The second

Time. Time is valuable, precious and priceless. You can’t buy it or swap it for something else. You can’t control or possess it. Time and tide wait for no man… Yeah, that’s true. In fact, time is your enemy. Never friendly, really. You see, when you need him the most he always runs away, disappears to nowhere in particular. And with disappear I really mean disappear so that you can’t find it anymore. You can search every nook and cranny but he won’t come back. That’s the period when you’re desperately longing for his presence. But he won’t just come by and say Hello! and stay… No. He appears at the very inappropriate moments. Just when you don’t want to see him, maybe even can’t stand him any longer – he is there. You want to get rid of him as soon as possible but you can’t. He lingers around, tortures you with just being there. He never stops, never waits, never slows down. Always the same restless, annoying, persistent and rhythmic tick – tock, tick – tock, tick – tock…

Sometimes a second is underestimated. We just don’t see its actual value. Nor did I. Till something changed my life. Surprisingly, it was just a little short unnoticed second.

People never believe that their life can change very quickly. Always mistakenly thinking they have enough time to do this, to experience that. But honestly, we don’t. You know, when you’re old (well, you probably aren’t yet) questions like ‘Was my life fulfilling?’ or ‘Did I manage to do everything I wanted?’ ‘What about my achievements, dreams, goals…’ ‘Am I satisfied to whom I grew up?’ just come up. You worry about your past, your mistakes but also recall the nice and pleasant memories. Most young people don’t ask themselves such questions. And why? I don’t know, but normally you just don’t suppose you will die young, do you? So in the youth have fun, explore the world and let’s don’t give the time left a second thought until “the end” draws nearer. That’s a nice plan, isn’t it? 

But what if there is no time saved for you? Wouldn’t you rather you didn’t waste that afternoon just lying about and doing nothing (except updating your Facebook status to ‘bored’ in capitals and many, many exclamation marks – but not really doing anything about it, right?)? Would you consider your time management more carefully? Making it worth the while you stay here on Earth? Yes, you probably would… but who knew? Who would think it ends so soon? Nobody.

Personally, I took life for granted. Always too busy, too far away to live my life thinking I’ll just catch up later…later when I’m too old to work and ready to settle down, relax. It’s all about time. If it wasn’t for this one second, for this one particular decision (at that time I thought it was wrong but now I changed my mind) my life wouldn’t surely have even begun. Ironically, it almost ended. But could something that didn’t even happen to start really be over? Tricky question, I know. To be honest, I wasn’t very sure there was anybody who would drop a genuine tear if I’d pass away at that time. However, I don’t doubt it now. To understand what I mean you need to know my background. 

I was a bitch. Not my words but some people called me that and afterwards never spoke to me again. It was for example, my own sweetheart brother, my best friend, eventually my boyfriend and my lovely parents as well. But I guess the latter had chosen other words to describe the very same fact. 

Back then, I didn’t care because I hadn’t needed them. I had all that really mattered to me. So what is a warm family and a loving boyfriend for? ‘I can still make it up with then later’ I reassured myself. ‘Later when there’s time for relationships.’ That’s very nice when you’ve enough time available. Yes. But. What if you don’t? 

So there I was – twenty – four with a degree and a great job position. I hadn’t a 6 – cipher salary but for a beginner pretty good. I just broke up with Jeff – that’s my ex, had a huge fight with Colin – my dearest brother and turned down an invitation for dinner from my parents. “L.O.W.,” I would reply (what meant lot of work, they knew the abbreviation by now). “Sorry,” and I hung up without further explaining. I had no idea that that ordinary day would turn out to be the beginning of my new life.

Once again I was snowed under with work and had to stay at work till ten o’clock. My eyelids were heavy and I couldn’t focus anymore. So I made my way home already planning tomorrow, checking my list of must – do – things in my head. I wasn’t really paying attention to the surroundings just automatically putting on food in front of the other. 

Suddenly, a thought struck my mind – why not take a shortcut, you’re tired, you need your rest and your bed, it’s late and you’ve got to get up early, be ready for the next day, full of energy, new tasks ahead, new demands, challenges, problems to be solved…moreover, you’ll save time! Time, time, time, precious time. Always following schedules, timetables, set arrangements, nothing spontaneous or unplanned in advance. 

So I turned right and headed to the local park. I hated going there especially at night because it was all dark and scary. ‘But I’ll save time,’ I thought and persuaded myself. There was nobody to be seen around…nobody to call for help in case either… I tried to push such thoughts out of my mind and focused on my tomorrow’s duties instead. The path was lined with lot of bushy trees creating spooky shadows. My imagination was freaking me out so that I almost expected something to jump abruptly out of its mysterious hiding place scaring me to death with its ugly face and hunched figure, smelly breath and skinny hands eager to kill…STOP IT! I ordered myself. I shook my head and exhaled slowly to calm down a bit. Again I busied my mind with my tasks. 

An ivied bridge which crossed my path came in view. Underneath the bridge where I had to go were no lights. Just then out of nowhere a silhouette appeared in the distance. I clutched my handbag instinctively tightly to my body feeling uneasy. My gut feeling told me to turn around, choose another way to go home. But then I thought ‘Don’t be silly, it’s not Jack the Ripper or some serial killer, you’re almost home’. Well, almost…

So there we were, just the two of us in the dark. Maybe it’s just a plump lady wearing a huge jacket and a bulging bag on the back… As the unknown person drew nearer I noticed it was neither a harmless woman nor a pleasant peaceful man. I tried to remain serene and hurried forwards. Then he slowed down. I panicked. I caught a glimpse of what he was holding in his hand. A sharp silver blade shone in the moonlight. My heart was throbbing loudly in my chest. I had just one second to decide what to do. 

In that very moment I had the feeling everything froze – time, my body, my mind, my breath… So many things happened in the second. I started to run. But he was faster. He grabbed my arm, pushed me to the wall and the next thing I remember is an awful pain in my stomach, my handbag being torn from underneath my stiff arm and my body falling to the ground. My hand flew to my belly. I felt something wet and sticky and there was more and more of it. I wanted to scream, to shout for help but no sound came…I had nothing, everything was gone with the stolen purse. My clothes were soaked through with blood that was still oozing from the wound. All of a sudden, from one second to the other, I was unconscious. 

When I woke up I was confused and every inch of my body hurt. I slowly opened my eyes and tried to figure out where I was. The neon hospital lights blinded me for a while. I heard voices and then somebody said my name. The voice was soft and full of worry. I blinked a few times and begun to recognize faces around my bed. My mother was leaning upon me, my father was standing on the left side and at the foot of the bed was nervously fidgeting Colin. 

“Hey,” I croaked. 

Mum burst out in tears and nearly squashed my hand. It was turning blue by now…

“Ah, hello sunshine,” dad smiled encouragingly. “I’ll call the doctor.” 

Colin just nodded his head in my direction and then looked away.

“Mum. Mum, what happened?”

“You’re mugged, darling,” mum said with concern. “And the attacker also stabbed you four times in your belly,” she added. “You almost bled to death,” mum said in a weak voice.

“But then he came by,” Colin pointed out of the room window, “and saved you,” he smiled. 

On the corridor there was standing a man with blond hair wearing glasses and talking to a nurse. 

“You’re really lucky. Five minutes later and I’d get rid of you,” Colin teased. 

Mum shot an offensive look at him. I giggled but everything hurt so I rather stopped. Even though I was lying there with a bandaged belly and head, I was happy. Seeing my family’s faces being worried just because of me meant the world to me. 

I realized so many things right there. It was rather cruel that I almost had to lose my life to understand some things. To understand what really matters in life. It’s not your job or career. Or money. It’s the people you share it with and other things you can’t buy such as health, happiness or love. I realized that the more impossible it is to buy something the bigger value it has. You have to spend your time with your family and friends not with your office desk. Hadn’t it been for the blond – haired man I’d left this world angry with my brother, far away from my parents, without any real friends. Fortunately, I got another chance to fix everything. And I’m not about to mess it up this time.