1:28 a.m. on 28.12.2011
I’m wide awake. It took me an hour to accept the fact that sleep won’t come soon…Never mind. I guess my head is too full and can’t be switched of – or at least put to stand by for a while. I wanted to get up earlier tomorrow (well today) and finally finish my German translation. But I guess I’ll just end up tired and unable to get up in the morning. So I’ll sleep late, finish the translation later and as a result manage to do far less things than I hoped…
I noticed I keep saying ‘I don’t have time’ quite a lot recently. That makes me kinda sad… I’ve got the feeling I’ll never find the time for some things. I may sound pathetic but I sometimes feel I’m running out of time no matter what I do. But there’s yet so much to be done, seen, heard, felt… I know I’m being melodramatic right now but hey, it’s 1:36 a.m. I’m meant to be.
I wonder when I fall asleep. I hate sleepless nights. They’re such a waste of time! Precious time…Because you neither sleep/rest nor do something productive/creative/pleasant… You’re just tossing and turning, trying to find the position that eventually brings sleep. And there’s still the glimmer of hope, you know… You don’t give up after 10 minutes or half an hour. You keep saying to yourself: ‘Don’t worry sooner or later you’re going to sleep like a baby! Just don’t try to wake yourself even more. Keep your eyes shut. It’ll come naturally. Just stop focusing on the process itself. And don’t think about not thinking about falling asleep – that won’t help either. Just think of something else. But try to avoid your problems, plans or duties. It’s going to bother you too much – and you definitely won’t fall asleep. Think of something casual. Let’s say…’
And so on and so on…and as you’re fighting this pointless battle inside your head, you keep yourself awake. Well, why not right? Right. Then you look at the watch – for you’ve been expecting sleep any second and were disciplined enough not to look every 5 minutes. ‘CONGRATULATIONS!’ – you realize you’ve been lying in the bed with no result whatsoever. You get up – as quiet as possible, not to drag your sister from the sweet land of dreams – grab a sheet of paper and start writing down what comes to your mind. If you were a genius, it would probably be a masterpiece – so it was your destiny not to fall asleep on that particular night! But as you’re just a random person walking this Earth, you’ll finish it with no deeper thought, maybe even more frustrated and tired and definitely more awake (if it’s possible) but undoubtedly wiser: Sleep is overrated.
And you’re already looking forward to your fresh–future–self. Oh, and don’t forget to write down the time -> 1:57 a.m.
True story.
Good night.
