Dog # 3*

I bought a dog because I felt lonely. Lonely and abandoned. No one around and I hated it. I was never very much of a dog – lover or something. But buying a dog was still a better perception than ending up like an old pettish cat – lady. So Maximillian, that’s my dog’s name, became my best friend. It may sound pitiful but it’s true. At that time I had nobody – nobody to talk to, nobody to hug or kiss, nobody to have fun with, nobody to rest my head on their chest…

I don’t really remember how I happened to be in a situation like that. My parents died when I was young on one of their hiking trips in the mountains. I had no siblings so they were actually my only close family. I’m not very good at making friends – not that I didn’t have any but I just wasn’t able to create a stronger bond to others. Every now and then a man appeared in my life but gradually all of them went as they came. And one day, I was 27 back then, I found myself sitting in the deafening silence of my flat realizing it has to be filled. With anything. I had nothing in particular in mind when I grabbed my car keys, got into my car and was driving around for hours looking for a “sound”. Just then a dog – shelter sign caught my eye and I thought that’s it! That’s the story how I got Maximillian – a white Labrador.

Having a dog meant new responsibilities and duties. I was rather surprised that I really enjoyed taking care of Max. At first, I was afraid I made a big mistake but soon it was obvious we found each other just in time. The people from the shelter said Max was found a few months ago all alone, starving and with a broken leg. Luckily, they managed to fix him up. I’ve loved him from the first moment I saw him. I gave him a new home and he…well… filled the silence with his cheerful barking. Of course we had our ups and downs at the beginning. For example, when I came home and found the sofa in pieces or my bed soaked with every animal liquid imaginable. After all troubles both of us were grateful we had one another. It may sound ridiculous but we somehow understood each other.   

Anyway, I’m a big fan of romantic novels and films. As I’ve already read and seen too many of them my imagination is sometimes very vivid, unrealistic and naïve – just as all of this sentimental crap. Maybe I tend to like such things because they always have a happy end.  Something I’m searching for for so long.  I kept imagining the twist of my fate – coincidentally bumping into the love of my life in the middle of a crowded street, or being rescued in a dangerous situation, or a new colleague whom I’d hate at first but then would madly love, or a stranger appearing on the same spot at the same time and we would just naturally fall in love. Just for the record, nothing like that has ever happened to me.

However, with a dog my imagination had new material to work with. For example, me, taking Max for a walk. Max hearing sounds in the distance, pulling on the line so hard I can’t hold him back anymore. Me running and desperately shouting his name. Then me turning around a corner and seeing a sexy stranger kneeling down and stroking Max. He looking up to me, sparks in his blue eyes, asking whether it’s my dog. Me answering yes. He asking me out. He passionately kissing me. Us having dirty sex. Marrying. Having children… THE END.

Or: Me in the woods with Max. A super – cute man with his female dog approaching. Our dogs sniff at each other, are playing with each other while we are talking, arranging to go for a walk together again. And again and again. Then creating two perfect pairs. Of course nothing like this happened to me within the 5 years I’ve had Max. Neither were any on my dog – involving – guys – picking – up methods successful. But…

One day I went to a nearby forest with Max to get a bit fresh air. It was very hot so I was drinking a lot of water for the whole time we were out. Unfortunately, the size of my bladder spoke for itself. I was too far from my flat to get there on time. That was an emergency. I tied Max to a tree and looked around. Perfect, nobody in sight. I spotted some bushes suitable as a provisional toilet. I dropped my shorts and knickers and squatted down. Suddenly, I heard an angry aggressive voice. The person was screaming furiously at somebody. A pleasant fear took over me and I slightly shivered. It felt weird to be scared of something but being drawn to it at the same time. I couldn’t quite explain. Nevertheless, it was a man and he yelled: “No! STOP IT!!! You must be crazy!” Pause. 

“Oh, yes. You always know how to destroy me life…” Another pause.

“What?! For my own good?! Are you actually listening to what you’re saying?” The man was kicking things around him.

“If you EVER call this NUMBER again I SWEAR I…” I held my breath and waited what came next.

“Worse…yes…I hate you too!” 

Then I heard something smashing against a rock and part of his mobile phone were flying by nearby. I gulped hard and tried to make my way back to Max unnoticed. Although, I wasn’t very successful. A twig cracked under my shoe. Hurried steps were approaching the place I was standing at. 

“Who is there?” he cried. 

My heart beat wildly and I was rooted to the spot. My shaking hand was clasped to my chest and the other one held on to a tree for support. For my height and red hair it wasn’t very hard to notice me in the see of green. The man’s face popped out of the leaves of “my toilet”. 

“Ehm…I – I…” I stammered nervously. 

“I really wasn’t eavesdropping… I – I was just…” I broke off. He raised his eyebrow and waited patiently. 

I pursed my lips and mumbled: “Well, I was just pissing…”

He raised the other eyebrow as well, took a deep breath and said: “Hmm I can smell that.” His serious face relaxed and burst out laughing. I really didn’t expect that but couldn’t help myself and joined him. 

When he calmed down a bit he held out his hand and said: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. It was just my mother on the phone. I know one shouldn’t be talking to his mother like that but she is making hell out of my life…” He smiled sadly. 

“Well, never mind, it’s a long story. I’d better be going.” But he actually didn’t move an inch.

“Yeah, sure. Me too. I’ve got a dog waiting for me,” I pointed with my thumb behind my back.

“You’ve got a dog?” his eyes lit up.

“Would you like to see it?” I said sooner than I could think of it better.

“Sure,” he smiled suggestively and gave me a once – over. I spun around and led the way back to Max, smiling to myself.

‘Why do I like him so much? That’s sick, I know him only 5 minutes…’

“And..?”

“And what?”

“What’s your name, stranger?”

“Michael. And yours?”

“I’m Victoria. And this,” I bended forward to scratch Max and gave Michael a good view of my bottom, “is Maximillian.”

“Hey you,” he stroke his back.

“Maximillian, would you mind if I accompany you on your walk?” Max barked and licked his face.

“I guess he wouldn’t.” Michael stood up, looked me deep in the eyes and asked: “And Maximillian, do you think Victoria would mind if I join you?” Max barked again and I smiled.

We were walking around the forest for hours. We were talking about so many things – from the weather to his complicated relationship to his mother, about our hobbies, pets, jobs, families, favourite bands, books or films. We shared our opinions about politics, culture, religion, love… I was so easy, like talking to an old friend. Everything had such a natural flow. I thought I finally found my soul mate. I was waiting for so long, dreaming, imagining and now I met him in such a bizarre situation. What I liked about him the most was that he wasn’t trying to hide his bad traits at any cost. Not that he was presenting them with pride but he was just honest and wasn’t picturing himself as a saint. I really hate two – faced people. Michael was different –that was one thing I was sure of. Well, we have known each other just a few hours and I wanted more. I thought I must have gone crazy – Am I really falling in love with a complete stranger?!

When we neared my flat I gathered all my courage to ask him the question I’d been meaning to ask since he smiled for the first time.

“Mike, tell me… do you have a girlfriend, wife or anything?” I bit my lip nervously and leaned against my front door. He took my hand and made a step forward, my heartbeat quickening.

“No girlfriend,” he said in his deep voice.

“No wife,” he moved even closer.

“Nothing,” he said, our lips almost touching. Then he gave me a gentle peck.

‘What? That’s all?! Fail!’ He must have noticed my disappointment because he asked: “When will I see you again?”

“Too – night?” I said hoping against hope.

“Sure. Why losing precious time?” he laughed.

“Michael, I…” he put his finger on my lips and smiled.

“Victoria, it’s freaking me out what I feel about you.” My jaw dropped and I had to blink a few times to be sure I wasn’t dreaming.

“You don’t have to say anything. I know it’s probably physically and logically impossible but truly I feel there’s something special between us,” he said and kissed me passionately.

“Eight o’clock?”

“I’ll be here.”

You can imagine what I was going through. I never felt like that about a man before nor did I think it was even possible to happen to me. But it did happen. I was running to and fro like insane, Max watching me with his big brown eyes. If he were a human being he would surely say: ”Oh dear, wake up… he is just a fucking asshole trying to get you laid.”

Yes, this sentence built up in my mind but I ignored it and didn’t want to believe it. I reassured myself by repeating: ‘No. He is special, not like any other man. This is true love and he feels it too!’ 

I washed my hair, painted my nails, removed every unpleasant hair, picked the perfect outfit and helped my face with make – up to look flawless. I was highly satisfied with the result and I’m my own biggest critic.

The doorbell rang exactly at 20.00. I glanced at Max.

“Wish me luck!” I mouthed to him and opened the door. I very much appreciated that Michael looked at first in my eyes and then studied my boobs. He looked even hotter than I had remembered him. The smell of his aftershave was killing me! He was wearing a light blue shirt, dark jeans and blue Converse to look casual.

“Are you ready?” he offered me his arm. I grabbed it and off we went.

The evening went smoothly. He took me to the cinema and then to a small and cozy restaurant. I couldn’t get enough of this man. I wanted him to become a part of my life. Maybe it was meant to be. Maybe people like us don’t need much time to get to know each other…

He brought me back home.

“I don’t want it to end,” I said sounding a little desperate.

“It doesn’t have to.” He smoothed my hair, took a strand and smelt it closing his eyes.

“Come up,” I whispered… and he followed.

I sat down on my sofa thinking my heart is going to pop out of my chest. He knelt down in front of me and started to slowly kiss his way up my arm. When he reached my shoulder he began to peel the dress off, the strap between his teeth. Then his lips on my neck sent a freezing shiver down my spine. I was losing control… I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him closer. I wanted to feel him… his hands all over my body. I began to unbutton his shirt revealing his bare chest. I felt his hand moving from my knee to the tight reaching my knickers… I was prepared for them to be pulled down but suddenly he changed his mind. I was confused but soon understood he wanted to explore my body some more. He cupped my breasts with both hands, squeezed them, kissed them. He held my head and we kissed. He ran his finger from my nose down to my lips, chin, to my cleavage, down to the belly and lower and lower. He whispered: “The way to paradise…” I opened my eyes and saw the look in his eyes saying: ‘The gentleman is gone. The beast was released.’ He tore off the last pieces concealing my body and the silence of my flat was broken…

The morning sun tickled my eyelids. I yawned and stretched, my hand feeling for Michael’s body in my bed. However, only sheets and pillows were left. I quickly sat up shaking my head: ‘No. No way. He must be here. He’s is probably making me breakfast. Or has gone to buy something.’

No notes. No messages. No Michael. I had to accept the fact – no love.        

I don’t even have his phone number or address. Nothing. He disappeared like a ghost. Just a one – night – stand. That was a year ago. I suppose I really need a punch in the face. You know why? I still think of him, look for him in the street, in the forest. Because I still love him. I know it’s sick and I probably need professional help. But I do still love him. And what’s the point of loving someone who doesn’t give a fucking shit about you? Well, there’s no point. It’s just like trying to warm up on a cold fire… Though Max could fill the silence of my flat, he couldn’t fill the silence and emptiness of my heart. 

*= you may wonder why number 3... just because I've read a book of short stories and the first one was called 'Dog' and there was also another one called Dog # 2. That's why mine is the third :) (The two dogs to be found here: Toby Litt - I play the drums in a band called okay)