The truth

She closed the book, placed it on the table, and finally decided to walk through the door. Her hand hovered over the handle for a moment. She glanced back at the book and sighed. He was eagerly waiting and the only thing she could think of was how on earth was she going to tell him? What went wrong?

Now she had to do her best, bring the best performance. She sighed again and pushed the door open. Immediately, his head shot up. He knew that, eventually, he would get to hear her opinion. It’s been hard for her to postpone this moment for so long for she was an avid reader who never took more than a week to finish a book. “I was snowed under with work…,” she’d make up excuses.

“Well?” he raised his eyebrows and watched her sit down.

She forced a smile and was fiddling with a string of her hoodie. He’d find out soon if she didn’t compose herself… After all, he was her best friend. She met his expectant eyes. They made her speak up. 

“You did it again!” she winked.

“You like it? No. You like it?!” he beamed.

She nodded enthusiastically.

“Aw, you can’t imagine what I’ve been through! You really gave me a hard time, you see.”

“Sorry, I’ve been just…”

“…super busy lately,” he finished for her. “Yeah, yeah, I know. But you understand how much this means to me,” he smiled at her.

“Sure,” she pressed her lips together and looked down.

“I feel like my whole life’s been building up to this very moment.”

“Please don’t exaggerate.”

“No, I’m serious here, Megan.” He was always serious when he called her by her proper first name.

“I’ve been dreaming about releasing my own book for what – ten years? And now imagine, it lies right in front of me. I still can’t comprehend it. My thoughts are a real tangible thing,” he looked at one of the few copies he got from the publisher on his table. It was a look full of pride and contentment.

Meggie was getting more and more disgusted by herself.

“You know, from all the people in this world…I…I only really care about what you think. It wouldn’t matter if everyone else thought it was shit. I was only afraid of what you’d say. And also the other way around, it wouldn’t have any value to me, even if it were a bestseller, if you’d think it’s not worth the paper.” She’s never seen him so moved, so thrilled to the bits about something. She gulped hard. 

“I included you in the acknowledgements… I hope you noticed,” he teased.

“Of course,” she laughed nervously. She couldn’t bear it any longer.

“Well, anyway, I was thinking…”

“John,” she tried to butt in.

“…and call Tom to book a venue for public rea…”

“John,” she raised her voice. Frowning, he looked at her.

“I lied,” she bit her lip. “I…I…” There was no easy way to say it.

“I haven’t enjoyed it at all,” she stiffened and waited for him to say something.

“Oh,” he looked downcast. “Wh…what? Is this a joke or something?”

“No…I…I’m sorry. I didn't mean to...”

She could hear his heart shatter. She was biting her lip so hard by now that it was almost bleeding. His nostrils widened, otherwise he kept a deadpan expression.

“I’m…”

“Don’t, okay?” he held up his hand and stood up shaking his head. Without another word he left. She covered her mouth with her hand and shut her eyes tight. She wished he’d have rather yelled his lungs out at her.