"Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be. It's easy. All you need is love, all you need is love..."
We’re walking along the river holding hands. Such a shame I had to ruin this beautiful moment. I knew it was coming, it was something I just couldn’t avoid. I had already made up my mind. I squeezed Ivan’s hand and made a halt. After a few steps he was forced to stop too. He looked at me and smiled. I kissed him – I had to, although I knew it would just make things more difficult. I studied his calm face unaware of what was about to happen…
“Ivan, …” I began. Jeez, neither the dimples in his cheeks made it easier. I was replaying this moment over and over again in my head, never finding the right scenario. I mean, things like this can’t have a “good screenplay” or whatever. They’re just wrong, lame and make the world a sad place.
“Sometimes…love is just not enough,” I said firmly and let go of his hand. He didn’t get it. He scowled, shook his head, he didn’t know what I was talking about.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, turned around and started walking away, determined.
“Joan, wh…?!” he called.
I quickened my pace.
“Joan, wait!” He wanted to catch up with me but I broke into a run and left him behind.
When I got home I finished packing, zipped up my suitcases, checked my passport, flight ticket and unplugged my telephone, for it was constantly ringing and I knew it would for another few weeks. But Ivan knew I was going away, we had talked about it, I just didn’t quite familiarize him with my plan to break up with him. It was cruel but I’d rather be the bitch than the whining wreck. I was sure it wouldn’t work for neither of us. And so I moved to another city because of a better job.
1 year later
Unknown luggage was passing by. I was watching out for my brown suitcases. When I finally spotted and unloaded them of the conveyor belt I made my way to the arrival hall where Michelle was supposed to be waiting for me. I glanced over the crowd of people anticipating their loved ones, family, friends or business partner and immediately recognized Michelle. A broad smile set on my face when I noticed the sign in her left hand with my name on it and a ‘Welcome home’ balloon in her right one.
“Aaw, you’re back!”
“Finally,” I smiled and we hugged tightly.
“You have to tell me everything,” she stressed. We walked into the spring chill which sent shivers down my spine.
“Better…,” I yawned, “leave it till tomorrow.”
“Ehm, yeah you look quiet worn,” she added.
“Thanks,” I laughed.
“But there’s one thing I should probably tell you,” Michelle said chewing her lip.
“What?” I asked suspiciously, the image of a hot bath and a comfortable bed fading out…
“Y’veotdatenigh,” she burst out, smiled broadly and fluttered her eyelashes at me.
“Excuse me?!”
“You’ve got a date tonight,” she murmured under her breath.
“Michelle, that’s not funny…”
“Well…it isn’t supposed to be a joke…”
I shook my head in disbelieve. “Are you out of your mind?! I’m barely standing on my feet. All I…”
“Oh, don’t worry,” she winked. “You’ve a reservation in a restaurant. With chairs!” she emphasized. I took a deep slow breath, counted to 10 and went on: “All I want is to go home and have a nice long hot bath with bubbles and my yellow gummy duck and then,” I raised my finger,” crawl under my covers and sleep, OK?”
3 hours later
“Why? Why on earth?! Aww, I hate you, I hate you so much,” I swore quietly and looked around the restaurant for the hundredth time. I leisurely leaned my chin on my hand and wished I hadn’t come. I was so extremely tired that I was afraid I’d drop out in a plate of food. ‘Jeez, I could have been sleeping right now…’ I looked at my watch – it was 6.35 p.m. We’re supposed to meet at 6… ‘Of course he’s late, why not…it’s just a blind date with a complete stranger, the first impression was the least thing I’d worry about, mister.…’ I closed my eyes for a second.
“Joan?”
My eyes shot open, confused and embarrassed I looked around and then froze.
“Ivan!” my heart stood still. ‘Beat, you freaking idiot!’
“Wh – what are you doing here?” I was still in a fog.
“Is it free?” he pointed at the seat opposite me.
“No!” I answered automatically.
“Ok,” and he sat down anyway.
“Ivan, damn it, I’m expecting someone!” He sensed anger in my voice.
“Joan, calm down, it’s all right.” He opened the menu and started flicking the pages.
“If he sees you here, he will feel misled. You can’t just walk in and destroy my date!”
“Yeah…about that, ehm it’s just the way it’s supposed to be.”
“What? What do you mean? Ivan, please, get on with it. It’s over. Leave. Now. Please? There’s no us anymore.”
He cleared his throat and asked: ”Would you recommend pork or beef?”
I rolled my eyes. “If Michelle finds out you ruined this date she set up for me…” At the mention of Michelle he opened his mouth then closed it again.
“Wait…you two didn’t…?! Oh, no way…so the joke’s on me now, isn’t it? ” at last I understood. “I’m so killing her! Both of you!” I hissed, my blood boiling.
The corners of his lips twitched, he looked content. “Red wine or white wine?” he muttered casually.
“Ivan, what is this all about?” I asked exhausted.
“Beef,” he pointed his finger at the menu and nodded. I gritted my teeth and tried to muster all my strength and patience.
“Fine, I’ll ask you again…”
“Shut up!” he snapped. I was gobsmacked, my mouth still open.
“Well, I was going to say ‘Shut up, woman!’ but that’d just be very rude. Now it’s just…rude,” he shrugged as if to say ‘You know, whatever.’. He paused.
“Joan, we both know we belong together,” his tone was serious this time. “And don’t deny it,” he warned when I was about to contradict.
“You know it, I know it and the waiter knows it,” Ivan smiled. The waiter, who just came to our table to take our order, looked confused. When he left Ivan continued.
“I have no idea what that was supposed to mean,” I knew he referred to the day I broke up with him,” but hell I bet you even count this as our – I don’t know – 300th date or something.”
“436th actually,” I muttered under my breath, blushing. I’m not sure if he had heard it but he smiled. He leaned forward and reached out for my hand. ‘The dimples, not again the dimples! Just don’t make eye contact with them…be cool.’
“You know sometimes…’All you need is love,’” he sang. ‘Ohmigod, how I love his voice. I guess I’m going to thank Michelle after all…but still she should have told me!’ I smiled at Ivan for the first time that evening. I was thrilled to the bits, it felt just right. Suddenly, however, someone called my name.
“Ehm-ehm Joan? Is that you?”
My eyes shot open. Everything disappeared. I blinked blankly at an unfamiliar face. The man stood next to my table and began laughing.
“Hah – sorry to wake you. I’m William, by the way. William Tedder,” he held out his hand.
“Who? Where’s Ivan?” His hand hovered awkwardly in mid-air.
“Ehm, who’s Ivan?” he scowled. “I’m your blind date. I’m Michelle’s friend.”
“Oh – I…” No way. The dream was so vivid, so real, so beautiful. And still just a dream.
“Anyway, you’re early,” he gave a little smile.
“Early?? EARLY?” I almost chocked on the word.
“Yep, well, it’s just a quarter to six…”
“What – no! it’s nearly seven! I’ve been waiting here for a bloody hour!”
“Joan, I can assure you it’s not six yet. I came in early to make sure everything is fixed.”
“That’s impossible,” but all of a sudden I realized. I clasped my hand over my mouth.
“I’m so sorry William…I must have had my watch still set on the other time…an hour ahead...different time zone. Gosh…” I buried my face in my hands.
“Oh, no big deal,” he smiled but I could tell he was uncomfortable. I sighed.
“Okay…let’s order something, shall we?” I forced a smile. He nodded and disappeared behind the menu card. Just then my phone beeped. ‘Great,’ I thought things couldn’t get worse…and yet there was I fumbling with my phone on a first date with a man whose only pleasure was probably the food (not even prepared). So avoiding meeting his gaze I read the message:
Sender: Ivan
Welcome home :-)
My heart leaped.
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