Hi there! Here is a fun fact: this is actually the first blog ever that I write on the computer (right on my blog) because so far every single story has been handwritten with a fountain pen in a notebook. I much prefer the old - fashioned style, you know. Although, every time I end up typing it on the computer of course...
But today I'd like to write about something else, something that happened to me a couple of days ago. As the title says I had a nightmare the other night. Probably the most terrifying one I've ever had. I think that what made it so horrifying and scary was the fact that it may actually happen and be true. The nightmare that I suffered from could one day become my reality. I don't know whether my subconscious mind wanted to warn me or make me aware of something, of the direction I'm heading... hoping the impression it leaves will be strong enough to avoid the dreadful scenario. Because now I still have everything under control (I think at least) but step by step without even noticing everything can go wrong and I find myself having first - hand experience of my nightmare.
I've had a plenty of nasty dreams which I considered to be nightmares such as a mad man chasing me round my grandma's court (the surrounding was very realistic) with a knife (1:0 for the man just in case you're wondering), or being shot in the chest, or having hideous spiders, bugs and other vermin crawling all over me, and so on.
However, in the course of time my fears began to change. I understood that there are far worse things than the crap film makers stage to scare the shit out of us in horrors...ghosts flying about, zombies infecting the human race, or intergalactic monsters invading the planet Earth. Actually things that influence your mind hit you far worse than any physical pain.
Back to my nightmare tough - it started kind of abruptly, in medias res-like, the environment resembled the railway station near where I live (but it wasn't important), and I was a few steps behind my sister, who always walks fast so that I have trouble to keep up with her. I was desperate, really hopeless. Most likely because deep inside I already felt it was lost and nothing could be done about it - about her feelings towards me. The scene was like my last-ditch attempt to prove the opposite. But as I've said I knew the answer before I heard it.
So we were arguing or to put it the other way I was sobbing and begging her, she was screaming at me and mocking me. Our pace was really fast, just to add to the whole atmosphere - as if she was hurrying away from...me. Then came the heart - breaking moment, I turned to her with an ID card (the like employees use in those big glassy buildings) on a string hanging from my hand - she wanted the card for her own benefit probably, and handing it over to her with tears streaming down my face in a shaky voice I asked: "Do you - do you really want it for your own gain or to hurt me?"
My whole body was shaking. She turned to face me and I could see it in her eyes... she wrenched the ID card from my hand and as she spoke her voice was full of hate and malice. It was pure hatred you feel to the core. Not the playful one - oh my god I hate you so much and the other second you end up hugging and kissing. No. It was pure, undeniable, honest, genuine hate that sends shivers down your spine and tears your heart into pieces. Her answer was: "Just to hurt you." Then I woke up and cried...
