‘It’s going to be fine,’ I lied to myself. ‘Everything is just fine.’ I looked at my reflection in the mirror. ‘You look good!’ I winked at myself and then laughed. ‘This is ridiculous! It’s a party, you’re supposed to have fun! It shouldn’t cause you stress in the first place…’ I only knew Eric out of 20 people out there. Well, and his girlfriend whom I saw for the first time 15 minutes ago. I’ve been trying to find him but in vein. So I found a hiding place instead. ‘He could have introduced me to somebody at least. Never mind. I can do this! I…I…I’m an out – going, sociable, cool and self - confident person. I’ll just walk out of this door and start to extremely enjoy myself. I guess. At least that’s the plan.’ I glanced at my wristwatch. ‘23.57. Okay, let’s say I might have spent here a little more time than appropriate for a visit to the loo…but…but what?’ I shook my head at my own incapability of getting rid of my introvert self. ‘But I can have fun! I certainly can…when I’m with people I know’, I added to the conversation inside my head. I took a deep breath with my hand on the doorknob, plastered on a fake smile and then tried to figure out which part of the crowd looked more welcoming. Mmm alcohol…can we be friends?
There was a table with a lot of bottles, glasses and stuff. And a definitely not bad – looking guy. I elbowed my way through and helped myself to a shot of vodka and a glass of something that might have been orange juice. I felt the alcohol burn its way down my throat and I must have made a disgusted grimace cause the man next to me laughed.
“Good, ay?”
“Great,” I chocked.
“Tom,” he reached out his hand.
“Hayley,” once I shook it I forgot his name. Damn, this happens far too often. I smiled shyly and poured myself another drink.
“And…where do you know Ivan from?” he asked.
“Oh, I…I don’t actually.” The music was roaring in the house. I guess it was ‘Time of my life’ – yeah definitely my case. He looked at me blankly. ‘I should probably say something,’ I figured. I gulped idly. ‘Say something! Anything!’ I urged myself.
“Ehm, nice place,” I pointed out though objects and furniture were hardly recognizable in the dimly – lit living room.
“What was it?” he moved closer. I waved my hand dismissively thinking of something highly intelligent or at least interesting to say. I thought of people who have the ability to talk even when there’s really, really nothing to talk about… I wondered how they do it.
“What do you do?” I yelled over the “Party rock anthem”.
“I’m an engineer, “ he yelled back. ‘Of course,’ I doubted.
“You?”
“Ehm, office work, paper work and stuff, yeah…real fun,” I laughed awkwardly.
“And…ehm,” I gathered more seconds, “where do you live?”
He obviously couldn’t hear me for he just nodded and smiled hoping it wasn’t a question. Bad luck, man. I glanced at the unfamiliar faces surrounding me. No sight of Eric or his girlfriend. ‘Not hard to tell what they’re up to,’ I thought.
The nameless guy was still staring at me. I wondered whether I should keep the ball rolling… I couldn’t really think of anything to say. So I helped myself to another vodka. I wasn’t quite sure how much I’d drunk since it was so dark there and the glass was rather big.
Few moments later we’re casually moving our heads back and forth to the rhythm of “Sweet dreams”. He looked so awkward it was funny actually. Once I had another vodka rushing through my blood we’re kinda dancing together.
“Got a girlfriend?” I blurred out not caring to be polite.
“Ehm, yeah, she’s around here… somewhere.”
I couldn’t bother to stop touching him, holding him close to me. He seemed not to mind to be honest.
“Want another drink?” he whispered into my ear.
I nodded eagerly, gratefully accepted the glass and drank the whole of it. I shut my eyes tightly then opened them again. After a few seconds I realized the room was floating before my own eyes. The guy wasn’t there or I couldn’t make out his face in the crowd. Just when I thought I’d rather get some fresh air somebody hugged me from behind and pressed me close to his body. It was apparently a man… I managed to turn around and recognize the guy, though his features were slightly blurred. He said something I barely heard but I laughed like insane. I was excited. This felt good, really good. No boundaries, no chains bounding me tight making it impossible to have the courage to behave like I please, nobody looking over my shoulder checking what I’m doing – not even myself.
“FREEDOM!” I screamed at the top of my lungs and laughed.
Then I remember I’d another drink or two, I felt the guy’s hand under my jeans, my lips on his, the music blasting in the background, some vague memories of singing with two girls and that’s about it… then just a huge black gap.
▲ ▲ ▲
‘I’m probably alive. But if being alive feels like this I’d rather be dead.’ This was the first thought when I woke up. My tongue was glued to my hard palate. ‘WATER,’ was the second thing that came up in my mind. I slowly opened my eyes. ‘Why the fuck is everything still spinning around?!’ My eyelids were so heavy I passed out again.
The next time I woke up I heard some noises but wasn’t able to identify them. Somebody could have been freely stealing all my possessions and I couldn’t care less. The dryness in my mouth was unbearable. I tried to form some saliva but with no result. It felt like not a single drop of water was left in my whole body. I breathed slowly and rolled onto my back. Not a good idea…my stomach was upset. I suppressed the urge to puke. I fixed my gaze upon ceiling. Breath in. Breath out.
‘It’s going to be fine,’ I lied to myself again. After a significant while of peering at the ceiling I realized it wasn’t mine. The ceiling, of course. I don’t have such a chandelier. Suddenly, all the differences hit me: it wasn’t the smell of my sheets, the size of my pillow or the colour of my walls… I panicked.
‘Where the hell am I?!’ My feeling of nausea and thirst weren’t worrying me right now. ‘What has happened?’ I instinctively felt for my underwear. Not only was it there but I was also fully dressed. ‘That’s a good sign, I suppose.’ I looked around. I was in an unknown room. The door stood ajar. I heard some more noises, probably from the kitchen… ‘But who brought me here? Oh, I hope it’s Eric. I’ve never been to his apartment before, though. I really hope it’s him,’ I pondered this for a while and looked around for any clues, a photo or his piece of clothing. Instead I spotted my handbag. ‘Thank God! But I should probably get up and face whoever is behind that door.’
I swung my legs from the bed and sat up. Not a good move. Again. I hold onto my belly and inhaled deeply. ‘Relax.’ I realized the air was rather stuffy and my smelly breath not a great contribute. I was sitting there for a few minutes waiting for my stomach to settle a bit. The smell of fresh coffee reached my nostrils. It didn’t have the pleasant effect as usually. My knees supported my elbows and I hung my head down. ‘Okay. It’s better and better…’ Next to the bed there was a bucket. ‘Damn it! How embarrassing.’ There’re actually no traces of a throw – up but I was pretty sure it found its use yesterday. When I looked up a merry face filling the gap of the opened door scared the hell out of me.
“Jesus!” I clutched my hand to my chest. No sooner had the shock withdrawn a bit that I got the chance to thoroughly take in the guy’s face. His nose looked broken.
“I…” I began but not a single sentence was prepared in my mind for such a situation. I felt the colour rise into my cheeks.
“I… I’m sorry… I…” don’t know who you are – I finished in my head. ‘Oh my God, I’m so stupid.’
“Don’t worry, everybody has a tough night from time to time,” he smiled.
“Breakfast?” he added and opened the door as an invitation to the kitchen.
“Ehm…I… “ the very thought of food made me sick. But I didn’t want to be rude.
“You don’t have to eat,” he winked playfully and made his way down the corridor. I gathered all my imaginary courage and slowly stood up. ‘Good,’ I thought until I made the first step. The floor wasn’t as solid as it was supposed to. I held onto a wardrobe. After a while everything steadied itself and I followed him to the kitchen.
He was munching a toast noisily, smearing marmalade with a knife onto another. There were a lot of crumbles around his plate. A second plate was set. Apparently for me…
“Thank you so much for…” I broke off in the middle of the sentence. ‘For what exactly? I don’t even remember.’
“Ehm for rescuing me,” I laughed uncomfortably. Gosh, pathetic. He put down the toast, wiped his greasy fingers into the front of his T – shirt and sat back in his chair. He folded his arms on his chest and his brow furrowed.
“Well, I guess you wouldn’t be so thankful if you knew we slept together and made a deal you rather wouldn’t keep your word on doing, right?” My jaw dropped, I couldn’t make a sound. He held my gaze for a few seconds then threw his head back and laughed.
“Easy. Only joking. I’m not a rapist or thief or something like that.”
“I suppose your hangover isn’t as bad as mine then if you’re up to such jokes…” I murmured through gritted teeth.
“Oh, come on. Don’t be mad at me,” he smiled and motioned me to take a seat. I sat down and asked for a glass of water.
“So…ehm… what’s happened last night?” I had absolutely no idea. Flashes of blurred images were all I had.
“Ok. What’s the last point you remember?”
“Uhm…well…I…ehm…well…drinking, us kissing,” I lowered my look and blushed again, ”ehm, then singing I guess ‘I will always love you’ and well, not much really and I think that’s not the whole picture…”
“No, certainly not,” he laughed. “Okay, so you approached me, we drank together, talked, then danced and kissed and drank a little more and so on…”
“Wait, what do you mean with…with “and so on”?” I panicked.
He chuckled. “Don’t worry, nothing that could make you pregnant.”
“Oh, ehm fine,” I tittered nervously.
“Right, where was I? Yeah, later, however, my girlfriend found me and she wasn’t very happy to see my tongue down your throat and punched me in the face,” he paused. My hand flew to my mouth.
“I’m so sorry,” I literary felt the colour in my cheeks.
“Ah, no big deal,” he shook his head. “I wanted to break up with her anyway…Although I wanted her heart to be broken not my nose!” he cackled nastily. “Never mind…Want to hear more?” I nodded unsurely.
“Then you’re rather sentimental about your personality, that you’re such an introvert and stuff like that. But what I saw yesterday was far from being introvert.”
“Alcohol extroverted me,” I shrugged.
“Definitely,” he chuckled. “Some guys wanted you to dance for them, so with no hesitation you climbed onto a table and the stage was yours.”
“Oh, God,” I closed my eyes. “What else?”
“Easy, you’ve nothing to be ashamed of…I mean wow your body and moves, it was pretty amazing and sexy!”
“Oh, please…” I waved my hand dismissively. “What was next?”
“Uhm, a guy called Eric looked for you, but I said I’ll take care of you and he disappeared.”
“Yeah, that’s my reliable friend who brought me to the party,” I said sarcastically.
“Then we drank more and you said you couldn’t bear the amount of emotions anymore and that you have to sing it out.”
“Did I really say that?” I laughed.
“Yop. Well, and when you were supposed to hit the highest and longest tone you…” he hesitated.
“What? I what?”
“You puked all over the place and I decided it was time to go home.”
“Oh, no.” Facepalm. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, the most embarrassing night of Hayley Cooper!’
“And,” he started.
“No way. There’s more?” I squeaked desperately.
He smiled. “Don’t worry, I just wanted to say that the whole way home you’re trying to persuade me how fine you’re and that you’re not that drunk.”
“How come you remember so much?”
“Dunno. Guess I’m already used to.”
“Ehm can I use your toilet, please?” I asked.
“Of course,” he laughed. I stood up and waited for directions.
“Oh, you don’t remember where it is, do you? though you’re pretty close yesterday,” he sneered. I smiled bitterly.
“Sorry,” he held up his hand to apologize. “To the left and second door.”
When I returned I said: ”I…ehm…I’m really sorry to have caused you so much trouble. The nose and puke and everything…if…if there’s anything I can do you for you, just…just say.”
He thought for a while. “Yes, there really is something you can do for me.” He looked at me intensely. ‘Is he flirting or…?’ I wondered.
“Don’t – ever – drink – again!“ he said. I laughed out loud.
“Promise?”
“No problem,” I rolled my eyes and grinned.
I thanked him for the hundredth time and we said goodbye. ‘I really need to find out his name,’ I thought as he closed the door behind me.
